Traveling the world takes you to places you never thought you'd see. Where there is traveling, there are hotel rooms. The upside is that you are able to see so many different types of interior design. You can walk into a room and instantly feel as if the space is perfectly filled. Each new city and each new hotel is a new experience filled with wonder and fun. When you're happy and having a good day, the decor in that new temporary bedroom feels as if it was placed purely for your peaceful night stay.
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TRIGGER WARNING.
This post contains information regarding rape and suicide. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the following: National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 By now I'm sure that most of you, if not all of you, have heard of the Netflix series called Thirteen Reasons Why. If you haven't, the show is about a girl who commits suicide. Prior to doing so, she creates thirteen tapes of what propelled her to end her life. Each of the thirteen reasons is a person who wronged her, except one. This show brings to light the two major topics that society prefers to bury: suicide and rape. Understandably so. Thirteen Reasons Why makes sure not to sugar coat the gruesome scenes. The author of the book made a point to make sure that the show was as true to the book as possible. The author knew that it was crucial to put those real life situations on the screen for people to see. I am both grateful for that and jarred because of it. The suicide at the end of the show was completely unbearable to watch. I cried and yelled at my television throughout the entire process. Prior to the suicide was the rape scene. Unfortunately the series had two of those scenes. One of lead character's friends was raped at a party. It was the "typical" rape scene that the media portrays. The girl is drunk, at a party, in tight clothes, and the popular jock decides to ruin her night. That scene was incredibly disturbing to watch but unfortunately it was not something I had no seen in a show or movie before. However, the second rape scene was like reliving a horrible memory. Suicide and rape are both unpleasant topics to discuss and never leave you with that warm and fuzzy feeling but they are things that need to be talked about. I will be honest and admit that the decision to write this post did not come easily for me. Truthfully, I've wanted to put it in writing for years but have lived in fear of how I may be judged or how it would and will effect my future relationships. I have tried to share my experience with a man I was dating in the past so that he could know all of me but it bothered him too much to listen to (so he said). If my vagueness hasn't tipped you off by now, here you have it. I was raped. That is quite possibly the most terrifying sentence to write. The problem for me is that I refused to believe that it had happened. I tried to rationalize it all, make excuses, convince myself that I was an idiot and had it coming. All of that is so wrong on so many levels. There is no rationalizing, it wasn't my fault, and I did not have it coming. Did I put myself in a situation that I maybe should not have been in? Possibly. However, I thought I could trust the person I was with. I talked to a friend of mine and told her about my "weird experience". I told her that something just did not seem normal about it but then again, he was only the second person I had ever been with so "maybe that's what it's supposed to be like?". Nope, no dice. She said the words before I ever could: "You were raped. Bare minimum: assaulted". "That's ridiculous", I told her. "I shouldn't have stayed the weekend with him at his place. I did this to myself". I didn't though. The man (or lack there of) who crossed the line, was a man that I was loosely dating. We had established that we were exclusive but that it would only be a summer fling due to the fact that he was moving to England that August. "I can do casual", I convinced myself. He was about ten years older than me, established, and I was starry eyed by the idea that an older man could think that I was the bees knees. Naturally there was that "act cool" attitude that I tried to plaster on. We went on dates, talked everyday, and even acted as a couple. I thought I could trust him. He asked me to stay over for a weekend. Knowing that I didn't have any plans, I agreed to it last minute. The first night was great, no complaints. He was caring and cuddly and doting. We ordered in, watched Netflix, cuddled, etc. The following day would take a turn for the worst. He woke up and went to the gym while I stayed behind and kept myself occupied. I was about to get into the shower as he walked in the door. I was in no mood to get in the mood. I wanted to shower in peace and get ready for the day. He had other plans. He came into the bathroom and tried to start kissing me. I said no and explained that I just wanted to shower. Before I knew it, I was pinned between him and the wall. If I was in the mood, this may have been an okay situation. I was not. I was uncomfortable, feeling dirty from not showering for the day, and had a gut feeling that this was not okay. Next thing I knew, I was pinned between him and the bathroom sink. I quickly sorted through my options. He was ex-military and clearly stronger than I was. I could fight and possibly end up worse than I started or bury my face in my arms. I chose the latter. After the incident was over, I asked if he was done. He followed my question with, "Wow, you really know how to make sex unenjoyable". Here's the thing: I was taught that "no means no" regardless if it's peppered with a hesitant "...okay...". No. Means. No. However, that is not fully what I was taught. I always thought that rape meant that you came out on the other end by the skin on your teeth. That clearly is not always the case. Sometimes you don't know the person and it is a violent experience complete with beatings, bruises, and cuts. Other times it's someone you think you know, who you think is a decent human and someone you can trust. We need to stand up for not only the typical "black and white" situations but also the situations that fall into the "gray area" as well. No one should ever have to do what they don't want to do. End of story. There should never be coercion or convincing. If both parties are not completely on board, take a step back. You have the right to say no and mean it. Next time there won't be a next time. No is a complete sentence. Ever since I was a kid, I always loved the idea of the red string theory. In Chinese culture, it's said that the God's have tied an invisible red string around the ankles of all of the people who we're meant to meet and be tethered to each other. As I go through my life, I'm starting to see and appreciate that theory even more than I did before.
You see, I have met probably hundreds of thousands of people in my life time already. I was a dancer growing up so plenty of people met with all of the classes, competitions, and recitals. Not to mention, school in general. Following that, I became a hair stylist. Between all of the people I've worked with and clients that I have had the honor of having in my chair, that adds a hefty amount to the number of people met. A few years later I decided to pursue nannying full time and here's where the impact really hits. I had been nannying for the two coolest little kids I know. Not blood related, of course...that's a different caliber of cool, if I do say so myself *shoulder brush*. The kids were getting older as kids do which was surprisingly a bit of a shock to me. Apparently the parents didn't have it in their plan for me to go off to college with their kids. Boy, did we have a different idea of what this job would consist of...(sarcasm, if you couldn't catch it). So, the mom turned to me one day and brought that realization to light for me. She mentioned that the kids were getting older and that they were going to be in school more often which meant less of a need for me. Bitter sweet, to be honest. How lucky am I to have been able to help raise two amazing little humans pretty much from the time they ran out from underneath their mom? Pretty lucky. However, this left me with a slight panic of "This is her polite way of saying I'm going to be out of a job, isn't it?". Let me just say that the thought of leaving them got me a little teary eyed. I'm a cryer, for the record. No shame in that game. With the mom's question rolling around in my head and before the full blown panic set in, I decided to go to my original list of dream jobs that I had had in my head since I was about 5 years old. 1. Marry Aladdin. Impossible. Unless I find a Middle Eastern man, convince him I am just a light eyed light haired version of Jasmine, and persuade him to don some of those fancy white harem pants. Complete with those spiffy gold shoes and fantastically shaped eyebrows, too.\n This may still be a workable dream now that I have it written out... 2. Flight attendant. I have tattoos so I immediately thought this was out of the picture. We'll revisit this in a moment. 3. Hairstylist. Done. 4. Viral technician. I suck at math. This one was out from the first crying breakdown I had when my dad tried to explain to me why Billy would only have seven apples left after traveling 354mph down a railroad track to nowhere while juggling four hamsters. WHO CARES. I don't and quite frankly, Billy shouldn't either. Nor should he be multitasking like that while traveling that fast. Or at all, for that matter. Choking hazard if he eats an apple, animal cruelty...can you see now why my math teachers hated giving me word problems? 5. Archaeologist. ...still trying to figure out how to work this as a part time job. No joke. So, seeing as how the hairstylist bit was accomplished and Aladdin is still a work in progress, I figured I'd go to the next career in line: flight attendant. 99.9% people when asked why they want to become a flight attendant have the answer of "I want to\n travel!". Don't get me wrong, that was definitely high on my list but I'm going to be honest with you. I did it for the scarf. I have wanted to rock that scarf since I was a wee lass walking around in my sparkly graffiti-ed Kohl's overalls. Too cool for school\n with no logical reason to get bullied for wearing a scarf to school daily. So I held off. UNTIL NOW. I decided to apply to become a flight attendant and after a few electronic interviews, they shipped me off to San Francisco to be interviewed in person. I interviewed on September 11th. I woke up at 4am, read all of the memorial posts, cried (again, cryer), and got myself interview ready. Little did I know that that day was going to change the course of my life. Between training, base orientation, and all of the flights that I have taken, I have met some of THE most amazing people. I have the people that have stayed by my side through the years, the career changes, the challenges, and heartaches. I also have the people who I have met while being a flight attendant which has bonded us quicker than the average new friendship. All of these people. These are my people. In this life, if you're lucky, you will have your family by your side. It's almost as if those are your "built-in" friends. If you're truly lucky though, you have the people who you choose and who choose you too. All of these people, these are my red string people. These are the people I was meant to meet. All of these people could have slipped by like the hundreds of people I meet and greet every day that I work a flight but for some reason, these people stuck and continue to stick. All of these people make me laugh until I cry and when I cry, they make me cry until I laugh. So red string theory, you have done it yet again. You brought me down a path I thought I would never get the chance to travel down (pun 100% intended) and in the process you have let me discover little bits of me that I never knew I even needed. Funny thing about all of that though, is that all those little bits and amazing things that are helping me to become "me" are found in all of the people that you (red string) have connected me to. So, thank you. In my short time as a flight attendant, I have discovered things that I didn't think I'd have to learn to work with. In training, they make sure to hype you up and get you so excited to start the new adventure. However, they also cram mass amounts of safety related information into your already stressed out head; that's all a part of the process. I knew going into training that it was going to be intense so I prepared as best as I could for that. Thanks to my trainers, I also knew that all of us new hires were going to be under the microscope for the first eight months. Our every action was going to be looked over and I(and I'm sure all of the other newbies) hoped that every single flight would go swimmingly. As we all know from my last post, not every one of my flights went swimmingly but that's A-OK. Many people will tell you that most of this job, you learn while on the job. So while we learned everything we could about safety, saving lives in a crash, and a general outline of how to serve the pop of your choice, we did not learn the little nooks and crannies of the job. Now, you're about to. PEEING AT AN INCLINE You're probably thinking, "Why would anyone ever willingly do this?". Well my friend, when nature calls you have to answer even if that's immediately after the "okay to get up" light goes off. You see, there's a certain "ding" that the pilots give us to let us know that we have reached 10,000ft. That does not mean that we've leveled off, that just means that basically just means that the takeoff went well and we can start prepping for our service. As most of you know, the basic cruising altitude is 30,000ft. The pilots dabble between 25,000ft and about 37,000ft (so I've overheard when they come over the intercom) depending on what type of weather is going on. What most people don't know is that flight attendants are up far earlier than the actual boarding time. Our check-in time is an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes prior to departure depending on what type of aircraft we're flying on that day. It takes me about 35min just to get to the employee parking lot, about 20min for the employee bus to get to the terminal, and about 2min to get to the duty desk where I check in. That whole process is if I drive. Now if I choose to take the train, that's an entirely different beast to deal with. I carve out about an hour and a half purely of commuting when I drive. When I take the train? Two to two and a half hours, easy. In my everyday life, I am late to everything. I am convinced I will be late to my own funeral, but when it comes to work I love tons of extra cushion time. Nothing compares to a panicky sweat attack while wearing control top tights, running in heels, while also wearing what I like to call our "polyester sweat suits', aka our uniforms. Pure polyester that will make you break a sweat if you look at the sun the wrong way. Promise. Anyway, by the time we actually get through check-in, on the plane, do our safety checks, boarding happens, and takeoff, there is rarely a time to let yourself be...relieved. That 10,000ft ding is sometimes the most beautiful sound my little ears could hear. More often than not, I am the first one in that lavatory thanks to the hectic start which means I'm having to fight the incline. I have become less of a germ freak but with this job and knowing how they quickly clean the bathrooms, lining the toilets are necessary. I love people but I most certainly do not love the idea of all of their ass cheeks touching my ass cheeks. As any girl knows, you line the toilet with the toilet paper to create some sort of false cleanliness. Men, you are so lucky you do not have this problem. Most ladies will say, "just hover". Men will wonder what that even means and let me just tell you, no. That is not an option at the 10,000ft mark, especially when everything in that metal tube is going up, up, and away at a faster rate than you can image. All I'm going to say is, it's a very sobering moment when you perfectly line that seat, only to have the circulating air blow it off right before you plop your tights-less ass on that "clean" seat. It's also a sobering moment when you realize that everything is going with the flow of the incline. Everything. Again men, count your lucky stars. Usually my face looks a little something like this when that unfortunate moment finally hits. ...and now you all know what my face looks like when I pee on a plane. I warned you that this blog was for real...and here's the realness. Sorry not sorry. If you know me, I highly doubt you're surprised. EARLY MORNINGS As I mentioned above, we have painfully early wake up times depending on what trip we're working. Last month, I woke up for nearly every trip around 2:30am and 3am. No one can ever adjust to that, especially when the next day of that trip may be a late morning or evening check-in. It is incredibly hard to force your body to adjust in a matter of hours. Not to mention, forcing your body to adjust for a month of that chaos. Unfortunately, I did that to myself. When I was on reserve I didn't have a choice, I was at the mercy of the scheduling department. Now I am a line holder which means I can control my schedule. The fact that I can control how often or little I work, gives me such a sense of schedule power. With working more hours comes more money and oh my, the money is sweet. I can finally pay bills in full, go out and have a life, and buy things for fun and not necessity. I love working and am so incredibly lazy when I am home unless something is planned. I have always overworked myself for as long as I have had a job. I once had three jobs at one time. That resulted in a lot of 24 hour periods of not sleeping thanks to FOMO: fear of missing out. I would work, go to school, go out, get a few hours of sleep, and do it all over again. I have gotten worse since I have gotten older. The job as a flight attendant will cause anyone to have a major sense of FOMO. Unless I am dead tired, I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and force myself to go out with my crew. I have been told by my mom and so many flight attendants to "sleep as much as you can in the first year". As most of you know, I just hit my year mark and I'm just now fully taking that into consideration. I just recently moved into the city of Chicago so the FOMO is alive and well. Although the FOMO is a strong feeling, I have gotten better at being okay with sleeping all day or skipping a night out just so I can catch up on sleep. Those early morning flights that I can't seem to shake force me to go to bed, or attempt to go to bed, at a reasonable hour. Flight attendants told me that there were going to be ridiculously early mornings but I don't really think anyone fully made me realize it. I thought that living off the thrill of the job would be enough to get my exhausted self up when the entire world was still sleeping. I was so wrong. TIGHTS I knew that I would be required to wear nylons or tights daily with this new career. I would wear the uniform pants and shirt that we have as an option but these sturdy thighs and wide load ass of mine is much too much to cram into those things. If I get the size that they wanted me to get so that they were loose fitting, they would fall down every time I took a step. Plus, I am much more of a dress girl. If I'm not wearing black skinny jeans or yoga pants, I'm wearing a dress or skirt. With a dress or skirt, comes tights...with this job at least. However with tights, comes falling tights. Many flight attendants gave me tips and tricks for the best nylons and how to maintain them. I wear tights thanks to the plethora of tattoos I have. Tights will cut you off at the ribs but will hold you in if you have a good pair, and are thick enough to cover tattoos. Although if they stretch out even just a little bit, down they roll. There are many types of tight fiascos. There's the rolling, the pilling (where little tight balls show up on the worn our areas), the ripping, the stretching, and the "slow sink" as I like to call it. I have experienced every single fiasco. The rolling and "slow sink" are a gamble nearly everyday. I have become an expert at trying to figure out what waistband is the perfect level of worn. Many times, they are not perfect. I will be mid-flight when all of a sudden, I can feel the tights giving into the "slow sink". They start pulling from the knee down. At that point, it's all down hill, or ass, from there. If I have a male coworker that day, I always warn them that they're going to be "seeing a lot of this throughout the day" as I tirelessly try to yank my overly used tights up my thigh and high enough up over my ass to at least gain about 20min of solid work time without a slip. It nearly never works. I try to talk to the skinny minnie's about this issue and they look at me like I'm speaking another language. To them, I am because I have enough curves to donate and still have enough to fill out some jeans. I'm exaggerating, obviously but my backside and thighs are definitely not in twig form. If I was caught in a wind storm, my upper half may sway a little but but my bottom half would be standing strong like two cinder blocks glued to the ground. BRING ON THE WIND. So ladies, go invest in some quality tights. I personally only rely on the Merona brand opaque black tights from Target. Target as a whole has my heart and when I discovered these tights: new love. Trust me on this one, me and my curves know a thing or two about good tights. BEING LOST Although most flight attendants basically live in airports (thank God they don't charge rent), we very rarely know our way around all of the airports. Let's be real, I barely know my way around the airport that I'm based in. I know how to get to the gates that I need to be at but as for everything else, no way. When I go to a new airport, I am just as clueless as everyone else. For some reason, I have been asked more times than I can count if I know where something is. In the beginning, I used to make a solid attempt to lead them in the right direction. Now, I just admit that I have never been there before and I am just as clueless as they are. I usually get the look that translates to, "But you're a flight attendant", which then translates to me as, "You're a flight attendant, don't you know your way around all airports?". Nah brah, I don't. I wish I did but let's be real, I barely know my way around the city I actually live in. The road my house is on, the road that the train station is on, the road that the gym is on, and the road that the Starbucks is on...that's pretty much the extent of my knowledge. I should really take a weekend and get familiar but then again, that would be productive and that ain't me. So I'll continue to be clueless in the town that I live in and also in every single new airport that I visit. Flight attendants are the ones who are supposed to have the answers and if we don't we're supposed to make a conscious effort to try and find the answer. I would like to think I am one of those people who would help you find an answer but I am definitely not one of the all knowing ones that you're going to come across. So please just give me the BOTD (benefit of the doubt) when you run into me and need a directional answer...I'm probably in the same lost boat that you are. There are so many new things I learn about this job on a daily basis, these just happen to be the most prominent ones that constantly seem to happen to me...or that I seem to create for myself. Next time you board a plane, be kind to your flight attendants. The female flight attendant you see may have just gotten lost at a new airport while her shitty, stretched out tights were rolling down and sinking into her tights and before she knows it, she'll be fighting the incline while finally getting a chance to pee. ...okay, just be nice to me because I'm sure I'm one of the few that that trifecta constantly happens to. Thanks in advance, boo. It has been a year since Is started training to become a flight attendant. I had intended on releasing this post on the day of my anniversary but as flying would have it, I was not grounded long enough to make that happen. These past few months have been packed with endless amounts of work. I am choosing to do that to myself but holy cow, it is wearing me out. Let's be real though, this year has been loaded up with more flying than the average bear and his family could possibly do. This year of working for the airline has given me opportunities and experiences that I would have never thought would all happen so consistently. I am used to a semi major change happening about once every six months. With this job, something has changed just about every two months...sometimes every month. Within this year I have faced heartaches, death of a passenger, apartment/living changes, financial hardships, finding new friends, losing old ones, losing family, days where I laughed til I cried, people who have brought me to my breaking point, and a shituation while on board the aircraft. All of that in a lifetime is enough, let alone in one year?! Git outta here.
The positive side to all of this is that it has taught me to appreciate what I have. Sure, I bitch and complain just as much (if not more) than the next guy but at the end of the day, I am happy. I have found people who are "my people". People who will have my back through the thick and thin. I have learned that family isn't always blood related. My immediate family and I have lost contact with relatives we were once very close with. Each family has their tiffs but ours seems to have the same bumps in the road with the same people about every five years. It's almost like clockwork. The old me would have let the fall of my family upset me. Sure, it's not the best feeling in the world to have family members become strangers but at the end of the day, you rely on those around you that are your constants whether they're blood related or not. I have found my people. Almost all of the people in my non-blood related tribe were people who I talked to for about five minutes and said, "Yep, we're going to be best friends". Sometimes, they were the ones to say it so it's good to know I'm not the only creep in the friendship. With gaining new friends, I have also lost some old ones. I have people who I was close with a year ago but now I barely know where they are in the world. That's saying a lot considering I'm the moving friend while almost all of them are rooted in one city. It's sad to look back on and I still wish those people nothing but happiness and love but sometimes people drift and sometimes you just need to accept that. I am a single woman so of course I'm on the prowl. Even if I say I'm not, I will absolutely say, "DAYUM!" if I see a hot man walk by. I may even say something along the lines of, "Jeez, you could bounce a quarter off that ass". Secretly objectifying men on the daily. We get cat called all the time so why not return the favor, am I right? Actually, no. I'm wrong and I know it but I totally do it for the laugh factor. 99% of the time the guy's never even hear it but there is always that 1%... With dating comes heartaches. Sure, it's bound to happen for most. I have an arsenal of ridiculous stories that I will certainly not be telling my kids about until they get me drunk when they're adults and finally start asking for all my crazy stories. Until then, Mother Edition of me is a gotdamn saint...in the eyes of my future kids, at least. The heartaches are getting super annoying to deal with but I have to give myself props because my recovery time is at an all time high. Sure, I'll still talk about the experiences with friends when we're comparing stories but other than that, the emotional aches are cut down to about a day. I'll cry, curse the sky, then tell myself to get the fuck over it and not to let a guy ruin my winged eyeliner...purely because that shit takes skill and sorry not sorry but no one is worth ruining that kind of perfection for. Despite the small period of time where I took a hiatus from dating, I still have hope. After all, a lot can happen in a year. When I first started this job, I was living with my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew in a house we rented from my stepdad. Since then, I have managed to rent my own place for a whopping eight months and then decided that I was insane for thinking I could handle that and finally making the move to the city. While living in my own overpriced place, I faced a moment that was not my proudest. I was strapped for cash but needed groceries. I overshot how much money I actually had in my account. For one reason or another, my credit card got declined so I decided to use my debit card. I had enough money in my account to complete the transaction and get home. Once I pulled up to my apartment, I got the text alert from my bank that I had a total of $21 in my bank account. I still had nearly two weeks until my next paycheck and most of that would be going towards utility bills anyway. I very easily could have asked my mom for money but it takes a lot out of me to ask for money. My thought process was that I put myself in that position, I mismanaged my money, so now it was my problem to dig myself out of that icky situation. I took the absolute necessities out of my bags and chose to return the rest of the groceries. I walked into Wal-Mart after 10pm, stood in the checkout line with bags of purchased items, and waited until it was my turn to explain my reasoning behind what was going on. I asked the lady if I could return all of the items in my cart. She told me I could come back at 6am the next day when the return line would open up again. I immediately broke down crying and asked her to please let me return the groceries. I explained that I had to go on a work trip the next day and needed the money while I was traveling. She brought her manager over to help me out. The attitude and disgust that I received from the manager made the little ounce of pride I had left disappear. I kept apologizing and saying how I knew it was an inconvenience. I thanked her a bunch for doing the returns for me. She brought a young guy over to help with taking the items out of my bags. I continued to apologize to him and said, "I know I'm being a pain in the ass but I really do appreciate this". He paused and looked up at me, tears still streaming down my face, and immediately said, "Honestly, no worries. This stuff happens, it's okay". That little bit of niceness made the situation feel a little more tolerable. Again, all of this could have been not as upsetting if I would have just asked for help. Life lesson: It's okay to not be okay. It's also okay to admit that you're not okay and ask for help. People that love you will help if they can and tell you they can't if they truly can't. I'm still trying to fully grasp that. Character flaw, for sure. This job of mine has brought on so many crazy stories. I have had things happen that people 25 years in have yet to experience. I was about six months into the career switch when I had the misfortune of having a "lack of all signs of life" on my flight. Death. That means death. We technically are not able to say that anyone has passed away on a flight due to a number of reasons and I don't know for sure if the passenger ever made it through but when the paramedic gave me "the look", I knew. Despite mine and my crew's efforts along with the amazing help of the medical professionals that happened to be on board, it was not the most positive outcome. I am still so proud of the people aboard the flight that day. Not one person made a peep while we were handling the situation, we had complete support from everyone around us, including the pilots. That day taught me that I apparently handle high stress situations better than I thought. Although internally I was a complete mess, apparently I was "grace under pressure", as a passenger put it. The situation that day is one that I hope I never have to go through again but I know that if it does happen again, I'll be able to handle it. I guess you could say I surprised myself that day. Honestly, I think my crew and I surprised ourselves as well as the passengers. It's moments like that that make me proud to be a part of the flying family. People truly do ban together for the greater good of other people. Since then, I have had someone pass out on me during a flight. In comparison to the first scenario, that was a cake walk. I am finding that I actually like tending to people when they need it. Maybe I was a nurse in a past life? Who knows. With crazy scary stories comes crazy hilarious stories. I have had someone straight up shit on the bathroom floor. A shit. On the floor. It was a shituation as I like to call it. My crew member actually suggested that I pick it up. PICK IT UP?! You have got to be outta yer damn mind if you think I'm getting anywhere near that. I have wiped tiny human butts for a large majority of my life but cleaning up a shit off the floor of an airplane bathroom? Please go choke on air. No way in hell would I get my little fingers anywhere near that. I have to say, I do love sharing this story purely for the shock value. I mean, how many people can say that they have actually discovered a pile of shit on a bathroom floor. I have a friend of mine who helped me deal with a girl's shituation at a party one time and that doesn't even compare to the mess I found while working that day. Just one more story to add to the books. So while this year has been filled with many losses, it has also been filled with so many gains. It was probably the most consistently tough year I have had but I am happy to say I have made it through what most call "the hardest year". Almost everyone in the industry says that the first year of flying is the toughest. It is filled with numerous adjustments, both personal and financial, as well as trying to get used to an entirely different lifestyle. At the end of the day, no matter how difficult or trying it has been, I can wholeheartedly say that I am proud that I followed my heart and finally chased after my childhood dream of serving pop in the sky. Thank you to all who have had my back, wiped my tears, and told me to suck it up throughout this entire process. You have helped me grow a thicker skin, a more sensitive heart, and a better outlook on life's changes. BRAVO, BOOS. Hugs & Smooches, Your (mostly friendly, sometimes sassy, always smart assy) Flight Attendant Friend. As I sit in a downtown suburban Starbucks, I'm in the optimal spot for people watching aside from sitting in an airport or a mall. I was forced to sit next to a young guy who was busy typing away on his computer, purely because he was next to the only available outlet. So sorry, Mister Man. So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to edit my blog so it's visually pleasing and a little less amateur-esque and I'm barely succeeding. Not to mention, I get frustrated easily with technology so you can only imagine how many eye rolls I've already accomplished. I am sitting in one of their semi-comfortable brown leather chairs that are the better option compared to their overly high metal bar stools that seem to be everywhere. I'm just glad that this location doesn't serve wine because if it did, I have a feeling I'd be seeing a lot of people toppling off of those chairs...or maybe I'm just foreshadowing what I would do. It's definitely the latter. I am sitting right by the main door where most of the action takes place. It's about seventy-five degrees outside, completely sunny, and I could totally be sitting at home doing all of this and yet I choose to be in an overly populated and overly priced coffee shop. I currently live alone so sometimes I feel like it's necessary for me to surround myself with humans even when I'm trying to accomplish something in solitude.
This place is filled with people adorned with Lululemon leggings, top notch baby buggies, designer handbags, and Venti double shot, extra caramel, no whip, easy soy, triple double java chip lattes. I realize that is not even a real order or probably even a thing that exists but I've been sitting here for a little over an hour so cut me some slack. I'm hearing all sorts of lingo being shouted and when my order mainly consists of "What's the cheapest thing aside from free water?", you can kind of understand that I don't exactly follow the orders that are being demanded from the customers. The purpose behind me coming here in the first place was to be able to get some writing done, not people watch. I'm nosy by nature though so naturally I casually (sometimes not so casually) observe people in their not so natural habitat. It's funny to see how people operate in public when they think that someone won't notice. For instance, the guy who I sat down next to immediately became uncomfortable. Almost as if I cramped his style by having to take the seat next to him. Mind you, there were not very many options available and I needed that outlet. I asked him if it was alright that I took the seat that was separated by a table (we happened to be splitting a corner, if that makes any sense) and while still on his phone, looked up at me, and said "Sure". However, I totally got this vibe that he was thinking "Really, of all the seats you had to pick the one right next to me?" and the only reason why that vibe even crossed my mind is because I have thought the exact same thing. I recognize that "trying not to be annoyed but being slightly annoyed even though this is a total first world problem" body language. I have a feeling that I give off that vibe pretty frequently throughout the week. Sorry in advance. It's not intentional, I'm just...well, annoyed but not at anyone in particular. Mainly just at myself for even allowing myself to be annoyed in the first place. Get a grip, Linds. Next comes the business man. Mister Business Man is chatting away on what I can only assume is a work call. He is dressed up in a white and blue striped work shirt, black pressed pants, and all tied together with black shoes and a belt. He was sitting a chair away from me until he swiftly got up and marched over to the window. This man was on a mission and I quickly found out why. This man was about to let the person on the other end of the line completely have it. The next thing I heard out of this man were all too familiar colorful words that I most definitely use on a daily basis. I unfortunately could not contain my laughter and immediately burst out into a muffled giggle. I tried to look like I was laughing at something on my laptop so I made sure to focus my attention back on my writing...which is kind of a joke in general so I guess I wasn't exactly lying. The guy almost instantly apologized to the person on the other line for his choice of colorful words. To my left is a high school girl. When she walked in, she absolutely gave me the side eye and I instantly reverted back to my high school days. I felt inferior for the strangest reason. You can just tell she's one of the "cool girls" who doesn't give AF. That's intimidating, no matter what age you're at. I run into people my age that are like that. Externally, I take the high road. Internally, I am a puddle of insecurities. I think that's a natural reaction for most though or at least I hope it is. This girl sits down where Mister Business Man was sitting before, then she moves across from me. She whips out her laptop and phone (coffee shop necessities) and begins texting. I can feel her eyes casually glaring into the side of my head. Why though? It may have something to do with the fact that I'm wearing all black everything, sporting a top knot hairstyle, and went with my darkest shade of death infused lipstick this afternoon but, that's neither here nor there. Here is the moment when my mom would pop in and say "She's just jealous of you" My mom told me that the entire time I was growing up. I had to be the bearer of truthful news and tell her that the world is not in fact, jealous of me. Sure, everyone is envious of someone but every single person who was mean to me was not jealous of me. I can promise that. It was a nice attempt by my mom to boost my ego but I knew the reality of it. While I was rocking my short, middle parted, boy style hair-do in grade school, I know for a fact that no one was jealous of me. I wasn't even jealous of me. Even in those years I would subconsciously look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that there was going to come a time that I was going to need to get it together...that era was not that time. Thank goodness for growing up, am I right? Yes. I am right. That being said, I understand that I very well may be the one who looks intimidating in this situation. Anyway, back to the girl. She's sitting here doing what high school girls do these days (like I even know what that is...) and ends up snapchatting. I can almost bet my life on the fact that she was using Snapchat purely because of the head tilt she used. No one tilts their head like that while looking at a text. I know because I do it...primarily when I'm using that "pretty" filter or the "pretty gold crown" filter which by the way, makes anyone look like a gotdamn queen. The point is, we all have stuff going on. We are all the slightly annoyed Mister Man who chooses to be out in public but is annoyed when anyone is near him. We are the colorful word using Mister Business Man who loses our shit when something doesn't go our way. And I promise you that at one time or another we are the pretentious high school girl who is slightly judgey without trying to be. I know for a fact that I have been all of these things and sometimes I have managed to be all of these things within a single day. What can I say? I'm an overachiever. Even I get lost in my day to day rush. I forget that I am in public when I'm rolling my eyes so far back in my head that I can pretty much see my spinal cord. Thankfully, my job has made me more aware of not only my surroundings but also who is watching me in those surroundings. Humans are curious people. People watching is clearly an entertaining activity. I mean, I just wrote an entire post about people around me while glancing up from time to time and yet managed to get all of this information (mainly, assumptions). Take this as a helpful reminder to be aware and present with where you're at. You never know what kind of impact you're going to make, even on the strangers who you may or may not even interact with. As a flight attendant, I have come to find the most needed items to travel with. Sure, there are other things that are nice to have but those things are just extra things to lug around. When it comes down to it, you need to know the things that are "must haves". You can go ahead and thank me now. You're welcome in advance.
1. UNDERWEAR This should be pretty obvious but there are some people who choose to go without entirely and hey, that's your thing. You do you, boo. I for one find that to be a tad itchy. Add in some heat and a lot of physical activity and you might as well just say goodbye to me because I will for sure be opting out of any other physical activity thanks to all that chaffing. That may be too much information but let's be real, we all know that is a real struggle. I don't know how you commando goers do it and quite frankly, I applaud you. If you are an underwear needing human like me, I suggest bringing double. You can never have too much but you can absolutely have too little. If you run out, then you're left with the heat ridden chaffing conundrum that I just explained. Do you really want to risk that? I will risk my life doing stupid things but I refuse to put my inner thighs and lady bits in a sad situation like that. Be kind to them and they will be kind to you...most of the time. 2. DEODORANT Always remember to pack deodorant. Do you really want to be labeled as that stinky traveler in a foreign country that takes their personal scent with them everywhere? I'm going to answer this for you: No, you don't. I just spoke to a friend today who traveled overseas for a few days and she told me how much the people stunk. Honestly, that was a memory she will have of that place now. It was hot, everyone was in their skivvies, and they smelled like the should've had a little extra deodorant on. See how I brought all of that back to rule #2? Clever. My high school writing classes may actually be paying off. Truthfully though, deodorant is a life saver. Running around all day and need to freshen up but only have a few seconds? Add a few new swipes under those stinky pits of yours. See an attractive person and instantly break into a nervous sweat? Swipe away. Unless that's just something I tend to do too often, then ignore that scenario. At least once a day I need to fan myself off from seeing an attractive guy. There are some pretty fancy looking humans out there, don't judge me. 3. BABY WIPES/FACE WIPES/ANYTHING WIPES Wipes. Lord oh mighty, these things are life savers. I cannot begin to tell you how many times that these have come in handy. Baby wipes are great for when the layers of deodorant finally fail you and you need to start from scratch. They're also great if you spill something on yourself, someone in the seat next to you on the plane upchucks and splatters on you, or if a baby shits themselves (or a grown adult shits themselves). It happens and I have witnessed it all. Especially that little exception I added in there. Talk about a shituation, am I right? Face wipes are also good for the ladies and lady boys that need to remove their makeup. When you're traveling with limited supplies, we tend to not pack the most high end products for good reasons. If you lose your bag or something bursts, there goes all that money spent in that product. Might as well cut corners where you can, especially if you're only going to be gone for a little bit of time. When I get done with a day of traveling, the first thing I want to do is take my makeup off. The last thing I want to do is scrub the hell out of my face because I have layered on my makeup so much that my cleanser can't break through the barrier. Face wipes help in this situation. Not to mention, they're amazing if you're going makeup free and want to freshen up that grease-ridden thing. Guys, you may not like the idea of face wipes because they may be too girly for you but I'm doing you a solid here. Your skin will thank me. 4. LOTION A solid "everything" lotion is the best for travel. I personally like to use one that is dermatologist tested, non-comedogenic, and generally lightweight while also being super hydrating. I aim to use this lotion on my face but if it's good for your face, it's good for your bod. Throw some of that lightweight, scent free, hydrating lotion on those ashy knees and elbows. Boom, glowing skin...or at least not desert dry. Plus, I just saved you the need to bring a body lotion and a face lotion. Two birds, one lotion. 5. TOOTHBRUSH/TOOTHPASTE Please do your travel buddy a favor and bring these. Dental hygiene is sexy and death breath is not. Floss is a plus but in a pinch, at least bring the brush and paste. No need to go full sized with either of these, the travel sizes work just fine and will save you a couple centimeters of space. 6. COMPACT BRUSH If you have ever seen the movie Stand by Me, I am Vern. If you haven't seen the movie: Do it. You will get some major insight into how odd I really am. In the movie, a group of kids heard that another kid in the neighborhood went missing. They had the idea to go on a search for the lost boy. They knew that if they found his body, they would get their fifteen minutes of fame. Each kid brought something that was necessary for the trip such as a gun and some other helpful things. Vern? He brought a comb. He didn't even have any hair to comb but he wanted to make sure his friends looked good when the reporters interviewed them. Anyway, I am the one who always has a brush or comb on me even when I know I'm not going to need it that day. I know that someone is going to need it. Do you want to be the hair hero for the day? Bring a brush. The mini fold-able brushes work just fine. If you have a ton of hair, just section it into smaller sections and you'll be able to conquer that beast. Easy peasy. 7. PANTS Even if you're going somewhere warm, bring pants. It could get cooler at night or you could go on a spontaneous hike through poison ivy and need to be covered. You never know what travel may hold. Make sure to keep your pant option light though. I have found that leggings are great but they tend to stretch out a lot. My favorite are my black skinny jeans with a tid bit of stretch. I can move freely in them, they're slimming, I can dress them up or down, and they are good for almost any occasion. Don't try to wear them to a formal event though, apparently that's frowned upon. 8. SHOES Choose your shoes very carefully. Make sure that the shoe of choice is already broken in, will not give you blisters, and have the right support for your foot. I always revert back to my Chucks. I have flat feet and for some reason, they seem to be the most comfortable for me. The best part is that they're easy to pack as well. With them being so thin, I can play Tetris with them in my bag and cram them into tiny places. High heels are nice to bring but you'll be feeling the pain of those the next day, no matter how hot you looked while attempting to twerk in the club the night before. Save yourself. 9. PAJAMAS I keep it simple when I'm traveling alone for work. You are all about to get a glimpse into my layover life. I apologize in advance. My pj of choice is a t-shirt. Not over-sized, although that would be nice but I just need something to cover my chesticles. So as long as the girls are covered, I don't care. I generally have two queen sized beds to myself for a 10-20 something hour long layover. I'll do what I want. Just don't ask me to come out of my room once the bedtime prep has commenced. If i'm traveling with people, I'll add some yoga pants to that outfit. Keep it as minimal as you can. Try to wear the same pajamas for anywhere from 2-4 nights. That may sound gross but you're literally just laying there for a couple hours. Plus if you're riding the high from the excitement of the trip, I doubt you're actually sleeping more than 8 hours. Pack accordingly. 10. SHIRTS Depending on how long you'll be traveling for, pack the exact amount of shirts needed per day. Unlike pants, I do not suggest wearing shirts over again. They're generally lighter to pack so go ahead and pack per day with these things. 11. TRAVEL OUTFIT That's right kids, a travel outfit. Find a comfortable outfit that is easy to work with. With my job, I am required to look presentable even when I am out of uniform and just flying for fun. General rule of thumb: Do the same. Yes it's not the same as walking around in yoga pants but you look like a seasoned flyer. For instance, when I flew to Hawaii I decided to wear a long black strapless maxi dress. For you guys reading this, that's just a really long dress that doesn't have something to hold it up. I brought a denim jacket to put over it so I could wear that jacket while on vacation as well. I also wore shoes that I knew I would be able to wear again if need be but were also easy to store if I didn't end up using them again. The dress was a nearly perfect idea because I basically had my own built in blanket on my body and could also sit cross-legged when my legs started to cramp on that 8.5 hour flight. Guys: I suggest wearing broken in jeans, a t-shirt, and a cardigan/sweater/generally nice looking hoodie. Chucks are always a good idea for both genders. The major note about this bullet point is to wear this outfit on your way back as well. Most places will have a place to do laundry if you're really grossed out about having to wear that again. If not, hang up all of those pieces, spray some body spray/febreeze/fabric spray on them, and then let them air out for the duration of your trip. Problem solved and I just managed to save you the trouble of having to pack another outfit to sit on a plane in. 12. SNACKS I will always suggest food. Make sure to bring it from home. All of the food at the airport is like a minimum of twelve dollars and the promise of your first born. Don't do it. Also, buy coffee and tea before getting to the airport. Just make sure that you chug it before you get to security because they will more than likely make you throw it out. There goes your five dollar fancy drink that you had to have. I have to have those too, so I understand the love for them. I'm also writing this while sitting in a Starbucks so I really don't have a leg to stand on here if I said I didn't like those fru-fru drinks. As far as the snacks go, make sure they're packaged. You never know how difficult security or customs is going to be. Bringing fresh anything is usually a problem. Also make sure that you bring enough to last the entire flight. I tried to play it thin and thought I wouldn't get that hungry on my way to Hawaii. Let's just say that by the time we got about two hours in, I wanted to raid the galley (kitchen area of the plane) for any crumbs they had to share. I didn't but I definitely thought about it. A lot. 13. TOILETRIES This includes mini shampoo and conditioner, body wash/bar soap, a shaver, mouth wash, floss. Basically, anything that you can probably get from the hotel lobby but would much rather have on your own. I usually rely on the shampoo that the hotel provides us but I have ran into the problem of having some nasty shampoo and then I ended up feeling gross for the entire day. Lest we not forget that I am first and foremost a hairstylist so I tend to know the quality of these things a little more than the average bear. Trust me on this though, just bring your own. Bare minimum, bring your own conditioner. A good reliable conditioner can save your hair from a really crappy dose of shampoo. 14. DRY SHAMPOO I know this is old news but this stuff is seriously the best. Guys, I'm sure you don't have this issue but girls know this godsend all too well. Make sure that you find one that works well for your hair type. I personally like Living Proof (first choice but I'm too broke to actually get it...so I just borrow other people's) and Pantene. Make sure you have the correct scent as well. Think about what your hair is like when it's dirty. Now, mix that body scent with the scent of the dry shampoo. Is that something you want to mix and walk around with in public? If it's questionable, put that product down and move to the next. 15. PHONE/CHARGER/HEADPHONES The only saving grace on a flight is the gift of music. Make sure your phone is charged, your headphones are in good condition, and you have your charger for when your battery ultimately drains. Invest in a portable extra charger as well. I have one and have yet to charge it. Why? Because I like to live life on the edge...and complain when my phone dies. 16. BOOK/ACTIVITIES Find a solid book that you know will help you pass the time. I personally love light reading when I'm trying to pass time. My favorite "plane" book I have read is Yes Please by Amy Poehler. She has such a funny and relatable personality that totally translates in her writing. I read at least 80% of her book while I was flying from Chicago to San Francisco. That is generally a 4.5 hour flight. If books aren't your thing, channel your inner child and get yourself an adult coloring book. I personally like the books that have beautiful swear words to color. That entire set up is right up my alley and if you're reading any of my posts, I'm going to assume that it's right up your alley as well. I have yet to actually color in one of those things but one of these days I'll actually bite the bullet and get one for myself. 17. IDENTIFICATION Last but not least, please do not forget your identification. Always bring your drivers license and passport. If you don't have a passport, it's a good idea to get one. Be sure to not keep it in the same place as your ID. If you lose one, you can use the other one as back up. Actually, your passport has more credibility behind it than pretty much anything else so that could really save you from being detained while they try to make sure that you're not someone sketchy. Okay, I don't know if they actually do that but I do know that losing any sort of identification is not good. Your best bet is to get a holder specifically for said item. I have a wallet for my ID but I have a travel wallet for my passport. My passport wallet has mini sections in it that allows me to organize receipts, travel records, money, etc. It was the best $12 travel find that I have come across. All of these things are the bare minimum essentials that I've found to be the most necessary. Of course, there are going to be extra things that you'll swear you need or have to have. Go for it. Just make sure that your bag can handle all of that. I try to plan my bag fillings based on the size of my bag. If it doesn't fit comfortably, it doesn't come with me. That's my rule of thumb. Although, my makeup always makes it in there. If I do a major trip, I try to minimize my makeup and only bring the things that will make me look less scary but not dolled up. I hope this helped you figure out just how minimalist you're not packing and steered you in the right direction of saving your arms and back from a load of travel pain. Travel safe but make sure to make slightly stupid decisions. That's my number one rule. If you're not up for full blown stupid moves, go ahead and ditch the underwear. I'm sure you'll choose a different stupid thing the next time once you take a painful trip to Chaffing City. Save travels, my little travel bugs! Nine eleven two-thousand one. Words that will forever hit home to so many people in this country. I was ten when the devastating events took place. At that point in my life, my biggest concern was making sure that my graffiti overalls had the correct matching shirt to go with them. Let's take a moment of silence for the fact that I even owned graffiti overalls.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Now, let's take a real moment of silence. A moment of silence for all of the first responders on that fateful day. All of the soldiers that fought and continue to fight in the wars that spurred from the catastrophic events in September, fifteen years ago. A moment of silence for all of the flight crews and passengers that were in those planes. A moment of silence for all of the people who went to work that day in or near the World Trade Center, thinking it was going to be another mundane workday. No one knew just how much all of our lives were about to change. I am fortunate to not have a direct tie to anyone who was involved in the attack on 9/11 and yet it still bothers me, every single year. While I was sitting in my 5th grade home room class, I had no idea what was going on. A girl named Julie was upset because we were being kept on lock down in the room, resulting in us being unable to go out for recess. Even in my ten year old state, I was pissed at her. I could see it in the eyes of every adult around me that this was so much bigger than a missed day of recess. I could hear the panic in their voice as they tried to reassure us that everything would be okay and that we were safe. The thing is, I think they were just trying to tell themselves that purely because none of us had any idea what was going on. No one felt the need to tell us what was happening. The only information I remember receiving was that two planes had crashed into a building. That's it. We hear of crashes and accidents all the time. I will admit that in my mind, I thought nothing of it. To be honest, I was just as confused as all of the other kids as to why all of the adults were panic stricken. They told us it had happened in New York. As a kid, I thought "That's so far from us, why are they freaking out". Little did I know that another attack would happen. It wasn't just targeted at two buildings. The monsters behind this tragedy wanted to cause as much destruction as possible which meant that we were all at risk without even being sure of it. I walked through the door of my house and my mom held me as we watched the news. I still was not grasping the magnitude of what was happening. Years had passed by, we would have a moment of silence on each anniversary, and continue on with our day. However, 8th grade was the grade that changed it all around for me. My history teacher made us have a moment of silence, per usual, and then decided to switch up the lesson. I distinctly remember him saying that he was sure that most of us did not grasp what had really happened. He told us that he knew how young we were when it happened but that he felt it was time for us to know the truth. Thinking back on it, he should have absolutely required us to get a permission slip signed for the video we were being told to watch. Again, I could hear the seriousness in his voice. This man was a man who had a voice that could shake you to your core. I don't know what it was about him but he was definitely a strong minded guy and his voice reflected that. Anytime he talked, he spoke with conviction. He had so much passion behind what he was telling us, no matter what era we were discussing that day. When the 9/11 anniversary rolled around, I was expecting him to have something impactful planned. He warned us that what we were about to see would most likely disturb us but that we needed to not be shielded from what was now part of our history. As I sat there, I watched a documentary detailing that horrible day. Most of us were able to keep it together but the end is what completely got me. The documentary filmed the buildings right after the planes had collided with them. You could hear the panic in the streets and see the smoke filling every corner of the city. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see next and honestly, the shock factor is something I am grateful to my teacher for. Sometimes seeing is the most powerful way to make people understand. I saw victims choosing to jump out of a window on the 95th floor in order to avoid the flames that were engulfing the building. How do you decide something like that? How do you choose the better of the two evils? I honestly do not have an answer to that and pray to God that I never have to find out first hand. Seeing those images and live footage really made the entire event sink in for me. I was kept hidden from the horrors but my teacher was brave enough to shine some light on the events. He knew that this was not a minor thing. He knew that this was going to shape our world from that point forward and boy, did it. Fifteen years later and we still have people dealing with the residual effects. My interview for the airline was on this day last year. I flew out to San Francisco on September 10th and attempted to get a good nights rest with only one thing on my mind: get the job. I remember waking up at 4 in the morning and reading all of the memorial posts on Facebook and Instagram. I can't even deny the fact that I cried. I cry every year. This was such a monumental event in America's history and now I was about to possibly make a monumental event happen in my personal history. That morning was filled with so much sadness, anxiety, and hope. Personal hope, on a day where so much hope had been lost years before. We still have people whose family members will never fly home, drive home, walk through that door and say "Honey, I'm home!". For that reason alone, we must never forget. It gets said a lot, "Never forget". The sad thing is, people already are forgetting. Fifteen years is nothing. Fifteen years isn't even a lifetime. We need to keep the love alive for those whose lives were lost and impacted on that day. I promise to never forget all the sacrifices that were made and all of the services that were provided on that day. Thanks to my current career in aviation, it will be difficult for me to forget what happened. Years pass and the pain that those affected feel will start to fade but it will never fully go away. I pray that all of those suffering from the tragedy of September 11th will somehow find peace and hope again. I also pray that all of those resting due to the events of that horrible day, do so in peace. We will never forget: for you and your families. God bless you all. I made the poor choice of deciding to re-watch Grey's Anatomy. I finished the current season on Netflix a couple weeks (possibly months) ago. Time for me really just blends after a while, thanks to my job. Needless to say, I love the show. The characters are relatable, the problems are captivating, the surgeries are something I would never try at home unless I was super drunk and it was a life and death situation. So naturally, I'm sucked in. If you haven't ever seen Grey's Anatomy, you have saved yourself the emotional agony of having to watch Meredith and Derek's relationship unfold. They give me the type of unrealistic relationship hope and goals that just does not exist. Actually, it very well may exist. However for me, I have yet to personally experience it.
At the core, I am a hopeless romantic but on the outside, I am a sarcastic hard headed chick. That combination is lethal, let me tell you. Overly cheesy gestures make me want to vom but then I watch pretty much anything remotely related to people not sucking and I end up crying. So, you can only imagine the daily battle I put myself through. The walls I have up have been built up brick by brick over the years. I know I wasn't always like this. In fact, I distinctly remember a time that I wasn't so cynical towards the idea of love and happy endings. I remember thinking that love was the answer to everything. It is, just not always in the way we think. I have always wanted an electric love, ever since I can remember. When I was younger, I married a guy down the street about 15 times. I would stand in my Little Mermaid nightgown at my bedroom window, secretly hoping that I would see him riding his motorized kid's Jeep up the street to tell me...something. What? I have no idea. I absolutely blame Disney for this unrealistic hope, purely because I had yet to see the movie "Say Anything". In fact, I have yet to see it. I just know that that radio scene is iconic. As I get older, I see all of these love birds all around me. Everywhere I turn, someone is being coupled up with someone, becoming engaged, tying the knot, punching out a kid...great. Honestly, so happy for all of you. However, I'm also super cynical about it. I literally want to jump for joy and give those people a hug and then go take a nap so I can wallow in my self pity. Just for a second. Almost like a moment of silence so I can get the eff over it. You see, I have met some amazing people. I have dated some great people who were just not great for me. Before anyone's ego gets blown up, this is about no one in particular. Not past boyfriends, not past flings, not past dates. This is a generalization about well, everything. They say that each person plays a roll in your life. At this rate, I could film the next Lord of the Rings style movie with the amount of "cast members" I have had in my life. Those cast members include friends and family too so don't automatically assume this is a post directly related to dating, although that's a big chunk of it. There's a poem called "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime" where it basically says that people will come into your life for each one of those key points. Additionally, each person you run into no matter how small will teach you something. Whether it's about love, life, friendship, or simply learning how not to play bumper cars with the person in traffic that's driving you insane...you learn something from everyone, even if you don't think you do. I have had my fair share of friendships that have been great and then they disintegrated. Such is life. That's what happens, people outgrow each other. I've done it with friends, boyfriends, even family members. Sometimes people are just meant to play a supporting role and not be the leading actor. So, the dating thing. Why do we do it? To find our other leading actor because obviously we are the leading actor in our life's movie. We're all fabulous, of course we're the star. That's the point though, we want someone else to think that we're the star. I don't think it's to much to not want to settle for someone who doesn't think the sun shines out of your ass. We all want someone who adores us. I have people who adore me, they're just people who I don't want to sleep with. Particularly because those guys who adore me, also want to sleep with guys too. You can call me jaded, and that very well may be true. Honestly though, a person can only take so much. I have tried the casual side of dating and it just is not my thing. Sure, it was fun for like four seconds until my hopeless romantic side kicked in. Everyone says that when you stop looking, that's when you'll find "it". Whatever "it" is. Here's the thing though: If I were to completely stop looking, I would need a guy to scale the side of my apartment while I was busy watching Netflix and ask me on a date. That, or ask me out on one of my flights. Both options are highly unlikely. So, people like me revert to dating apps like Bumble and Tinder, although Tinder is where dreams go to die and STD's go to thrive. The hard part about those apps is that you have everyone and their brother (sometimes literally) on there. We live in an era where you have to play games the right way. You can't give out too much information for fear of coming on too strong but you can't withhold too much information for fear of looking cold and guarded. So, where's the balance. Why has no one said "fuck it" and just been straight up from the get go. I'll tell you why: Because people are easily scared. People are scared by other people who know what they want but the thing is, that's the only way to actually get what you want. Meredith knew from day one what she wanted: Derek. Derek thought he knew what he wanted: Meredith? Until his distant wife comes into the picture and throws a wrench in his plans. Now he's torn between who he should love and who he actually loves. During the entire show, we are brought along the heart wrenching journey of love gained and love lost. Through all of the heartache and pain, Meredith secretly never loses hope that love is out there. She learns that friends are there to love you when who you think you want to love you, can't or doesn't. She also learns that despite the awful amounts of heartache that she has felt (girl, I so feel you on this) there is still hope. Everyone's ass shines and somewhere out there, there is someone who agrees. Although I have lost track of the amount of tears I have cried for possible loves lost, I refuse to lose hope. Of course I have my "I'm going to become a cat lady even though I'm allergic to cats" moments but in the end, my hopeless romantic side kicks in. My "Meredith" side, if you will. Life is tough and love is tougher. I have yet to find it (thought I did but it was a false alarm) but it will happen...eventually. I want the guy I end up with to be able to supply me with that electric love that I have always strived for. The guy that ignites the best side of me, shows me the icky side of me that makes me want to be better, restores my faith in the things I thought were lost, and loves me through it all. Maybe it's like Carrie Bradshaw said "Maybe our (girl)friends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with". Until that "when you stop looking" moment comes along for me, I'll be busy hanging with my soulmates. Also, can we just take note of how many pop culture references I have made in this post? I feel like I should get some sort of award for that... It baffles me how rude people can be sometimes. Granted, I have my fair share of total bitch moments but some people are far too consistent with it. If you don't already know, I am a flight attendant. I see my fair share of what I like to call "colorful" people. My favorite is when I kindly say "Have a good day!" and people either roll their eyes at me or go "Mhm". Usually I'd secretly roll my eyes once I've passed them, meaning I would let their action get to me. As of lately though, I have decided to go about it in a different way. Anytime I say my typical goodbye greeting and someone responds in a way like I had mentioned before, I (semi-quietly) say "Thanks! I will too!" after I have passed them. I totally understand that we all have those days when human interaction is the last thing you want to participate in. However, if a stranger is going out of their way to check in with you, don't be a shit for seven seconds out of your day and respond accordingly.
I find that celebrities get a little more of a break when it comes to social norms. It's almost as if us "common folk" are held to a higher standard. Maybe it's because celebrities are like endangered animals; there's so few of them compared to us. We allow them to get away with a poor use of basic human functions. I've met a handful of celebrities just this year. Chris Rock was on a flight of mine and I totally secretly fan girled when I heard Donkey from Shrek taking a phone call. He is excluded from the celebrity generalization primarily because he was zonked out against the window the duration of the flight. There was another time when I had a celebrity sighting. I was in Miami visiting a friend and hanging out on his boat. Out of nowhere, one of the girls yelled, "DJ KHALED!". Lo and behold, there he was in all of his DJ glory. He drove his wave runner up to the side of the boat, Snapchatted all of us, said something along the lines of "Stay blessed" or whatever his tagline is, and then drove off into the sun. That was my ten seconds of fame purely because Snapchats only last for that short amount of time. So, I guess Mr. Khaled is also left out of the celebrity generalization. There was another semi-famous lady and she was alright too. The kicker was Kanye. Shocking, I know. That man is something else and not in the positive way I'd secretly hoped he would be. I saw him while waiting to head home from L.A. and immediately went into my "holy crap, that's a famous person" internal freak out. I completely ignored the fact that I don't even admire him. He's like the Regina George of Hollywood. To anyone who doesn't understand that reference, I feel sorry for you. Do yourself a favor and go watch Mean Girls immediately. For real though, he's just as rude as one would think. He picked up a phone call right as I was mustering up the courage to ask him if I could get a selfie with him (out of uniform, for the record). I tried to wait as long as possible before interrupting him. As I waited, I saw people taking selfies with him at a distance. Essentially these people were using Kanye West as an intentional photo bomber to their selfie. Git outta here. Meanwhile, I was standing in ear shot of him and was eavesdropping on the man's conversation. I know you would all do the same, don't even judge. As I write this story, I'm starting to realize that maybe I was the rude one but that's neither here nor there. I'm common, he's not. LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT. So, as Kanye is having his phone conversation, I hear him completely name drop a few other "friends". He mentions Rihanna (I shit you not) and Taylor, as in Taylor Swift. I don't keep up with all of the hot gossip but I do know that there is some sort of power and money fueled feud going on right now between Yeezy and T-Swift. Naturally, I texted one of my best friends who is completely infatuated with Taylor and quickly updated him on my run in. Before I knew it, it was time for me to pre-board the plane. Since I'm part of the flying family they let us board the plane prior to passengers. It was now or never. So, I walked up to Kanye and had the following conversation: Me: "Hi! Sorry to interrupt you but can I get a picture with you?" Him: *With a semi-blank stare, nods* (For a split second, I thought he would take five seconds out of his conversation and day to drop the phone for an ego boosting selfie. I was wrong.) Me: "Oh, it's okay. I'll wait 'til you're done". Him: "Take the picture". Me: "No, no, that's okay. You're busy. I understand". (Trying to kill him with kindness.) Him: "No, take the picture. I'm not gonna get off the phone but take it." Me: "Mm, nah. That's alright." I felt a smidge of regret for not snapping a selfie with him but I just could not be that pathetic. He wouldn't pause his conversation for five seconds and wasn't going to smile. What's the point of having a diamond encrusted gold grill on your entire row of bottom teeth if you're not gonna let those puppies shine? To retaliate and get proof that I saw and talked to him, I waited for the perfect moment. I mean, if you don't get a pic, did it really happen? That's where the whole "pic or it didn't happen" thing came from, right? Anyway, when the time was right I managed to take my best creeper shot of him (pictured above). His face can best be described as, "I hate that you're doing this". Well Mr. West, I done did it and you looked Kim-pletely annoyed by it. Kan Ye believe it? Because I can. You are notorious for being annoyed (or at least appearing that way) towards people that are not at your level. However, I'd rather have my tiny apartment and Aldi brand foods without a stank face like yours than be in your shoes. Actually, I'll keep all my things but take your shoes. Those things are probably worth a fortune. I'm sure I could get a couple months of rent out of selling those bad boys. Go ahead and autograph them while you're at it; I need groceries. I've said it once and I'll say it again; I would much rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable. If all that fame and money turns someone into an inconsiderate rude human, then I'd rather not have it at all. While you're out there picking our your next Cartier whatever, go ahead and purchase some humility on that shopping spree of yours. I promise you it will make your life so much more pleasant. Being rude doesn't look good even on the prettiest of people. Take a breath there, Bessy and go spread a little kindness. |
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